"The weight of the world--The weight of glory"

I wonder sometimes why I come back to Liberia at all. If what people say about me being crazy, is really true. If I'm even making a difference at all. This trip has been one of the most difficult trips so far. I have endured sickness, pain, defeat and dissapointment. The children almost never listen to me, two of the girls got into a physical altercation and now I have malaria...again. I feel like I'm almost going in circles here. (aside from the malaria medicine that's making my head spin!) I sit here sometimes and think that I need Africa more than Africa needs me. Then I talk to a few individual kids and I realize that their hearts are changing and that we need each other. I have been brought here for a purpose and sometimes it might feel like I'm wasting my time of just wearing myself thin, but it will be worth it.

2 Cortinthians 16-17

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For the light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”

The weight of the world feels like it's on my shoulders. Taking care of 70 children being only 20, still growing and learning myself. But Paul compares it to the weight of Glory when we get to Heaven. This is only temporary. This is only for a moment that we will need to endure this pain and suffering. In 2012 I wrote a blog about suffering. I have had malaria 3 times now, lost 3 family members in 2 months and have had random medical issues. I still don't believe that I am suffering. These kids are suffering.

I ask myself why I come back here and it's because when I see their faces I can feel their pain myself. I can feel the malaria, I can feel the hunger. Because I have experienced it for myself. When I see them hurting, I hurt. When I see them crying, I cry. When I go and find sponsors for them and they are smiling, I smile. When I come back from Red Light with their food for the month and they come to the car screaming, full of joy. I am full of joy too.

Don't get me wrong, I love these kids with all of my heart. I don't believe I would come back if I didn't. But sometimes I forget that they are still children. Children without parents. They haven't had the attention from individual people so that they will listen, do what they're told and grow in their faith. The kids ask me 24/7, while I'm here for anything and everything and I have told them that they can. I have made a prayer book. Before coming to me, they must go to God and pray. I have made myself available whenever they need me. I believe that's really what these kids need. Not food, not clothes, not medicine...but love. Someone to show them that they matter and that they're important in this world.

God has allowed me to keep coming back time and time again, and I will continue to come back. The little “suffering” I do in the few weeks I stay in Liberia, will not compare to the aftermath God has already planned for this compound and for each individual child. I pray that when this life is over I will see each and everyone of my children in Heaven with their crowns full of jewel because of the good works that they did here on this earth.  

"Kingdom of Heaven"

I could sit and listen to my kids sing all day long. Sunday church is always a good wake up call for me. In America, worship is usually very stiff. You're subject to one spot in your pew and you don't move. Here it is much much different. We had kids dancing, jumping and clapping all over the place. There wasn't a person in the room that didn't have a smile on their face. It makes my heart happy to see kids joining together to have church. The pastor didn't show up to church yesterday but Boakai decided to have church anyways.

Boakai taught on Matthew 25: 14-30, The Parable of the Talents. A parable that awakened a lot of the minds of these kids, and myself as well.

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and his his masters' money.” (Matthew 25:14-18)

I believe that this is a great example of a lot of our faith today. We get so caught up in knowing the bible front to back, that knowing the bible is all we really care about. Just hiding the words of the Bible with no action won't do anybody any good. Especially to those who are lost. To those who are hurting. Those who need to see Jesus in us. We have become so afraid. We have allowed ourselves to have little faith.

“Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, 'Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.' His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'' (Matthew 25:19-21)

“He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, 'Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.' But his master answered him, 'You wicked and lazy servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'” (Matthew 25:24-30)

Moses had asked why this parable was compared to the Kingdom of heaven. The floor was open for discussion, so I answered! Parables in the bible are all for teaching us lessons, for now and the future. When I get to heaven I want God to say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I want this for all of my kids as well. I want them to use the gifts that God gives them wisely. To become disciples and to multiply what God has given them. I might not be the smartest person by the worlds standard or even by the church's standard. But I do believe I am being wise and productive with my God-given abilities to further the Kingdom. I may not know the Bible as well as most people, but I am being obedient and I am acting on my faith.

“God, I pray that these kids will be doers of the Word. That their actions with allow God's glory to shine. That they will go to bed every night knowing that they tried their hardest. I pray that everyone will know Mother Blessings home as a place where Jesus' name shines, when our names don't matter.”

"America in Liberia"

The van was quiet. All you could hear was the rain and the sound of 9 young boys praying to God for sunshine. Not knowing whether or not the rain would stop, but we had faith. We had faith God would make it a beautiful day for the boys! Not only did we want the rain to stop, we also wanted to show the boys that God does listen to the little prayers. To the little concerns that we have on a daily basis. God can move mountains, yes. But He also can move little rocks too.

We were sitting by the pool and I have never seen these boys not talking, yelling, screaming or dancing. They just sat there admiring “America in Liberia” (or that's at least what we call it!) They were amazed at how beautiful everything was and that they were about to enjoy it all for the whole day! We ordered our food and I told the boys that if they had to use the bathroom, then to just tell me and I'll show them where it is! Rufus was the first to speak up, so I showed him where to go! About 5 minutes later he comes back out and had to ask how to flush the toilet. This was the first time these boys had EVER used a toilet that flushed by itself. So of course, as soon as Rufus came out...every other boy rushed in to flush the toilets as well. It was hysterical! They all came back with a grin on their faces like they were very proud of themselves!

We ate pizza, french fries, wings and egg rolls. Yes, not a very good combination but we had to manage with the prices! It was the first time any of them had ever tried pizza! They were also drinking water out of a glass. (something you don't see Africans doing) They were chinking their glasses together like they were very proper!

We got in the pool and they had the time of their lives! At one point I just sat there in awe of their smiles and laughter. I enjoyed every single bit of the fun that they had and I am so grateful I got to experience it with them! God has allowed me the opportunity to do life with these kids. To love on them and to just spend time with them. I believe that was the best part about taking the kids to the pool. Spending time individually with each of them, which is so hard to do at the home with 70 kids! I got to see a side to some of them I had never seen before.

Every time they would do a new trick in the pool, or down the slide they would call my name and make sure I was watching. Just like I did to my mom when I was a little girl. I pray that I can always be here when they need someone to watch them do well and to praise them for it. I know how special these boys are and I want them to know it too! I want them to know that they are loved not only by Emma, Adina and myself..but by God the most. God answered the boys simple prayers. Imagine what else He could do?

Fasting..

Verses during fast:

1 Thessalonians 5:17

"pray without ceasing,'

Psalm 62:5

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him."

John 16:33

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Isaiah 41:13

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who says to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.'"

AMEN.

"His plan..."

Two years ago, this exact week, I felt like God had completely abandoned me. Left me to die in the emptiness of this world without Him. I didn't feel Him anymore. I didn't feel guilty for the bad things I was doing, I didn't care. Until I realized that God didn't leave me, I had walked away from Him. Leaving everything I had been taught all my life; picking up alcohol, drugs and boys and traveled a different path. A path that so many have taken along with me. A path that will only lead to destruction and death. A path that satan has constructed himself.

Even two years ago when I felt like I had no way of returning to God, he opened a door. Africa. The whole time thinking God was quiet and invisible, he was working. My aunt Julie has been teaching our Wednesday night class that story of Esther. Even though I am a helper, I have been just as excited to learn as the kids were. 

God took one normal girl and saved an entire nation. Esther obeyed and saved thousands of lives. God's name is not mentioned one time in the book of Esther. I believe that is for a specific purpose. You may not feel God moving and you might not see Him working...but He is. He is behind the scenes, orchestrating every single moment of your life.

Then BAM! You're one normal girl making a difference!

The past two years, God has worked in my life like never before. He has allowed me to be His hands and feet in an orphanage home of 67 kids. He has allowed me to help people back home through my testimony. He has allowed me to love on inner city kids in Charlotte. He has allowed me to stay sober. He has made me into a woman that my 18 year old self (2 years ago) would have thought was never possible. 

And to think, this was His plan for me all along...

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"walk in HIS legacy"

Heading back to Africa for the fourth time feels a little bit different.

I have never been on a mission trip and not have my papaw send me off with prayer. When I arrived in Africa on Dcember 9, 2012 I called home and papaw answered. I will never forget how clear minded and PROUD he sounded. I believe God allowed me to purposely call the wrong house so I would always remember him as the proud, happy grandpa he was.

I like to believe that papaw had two hearts. One heart was broken, fragile and weak. But he must of had another heart because he always managed to smile and laugh even though the circumstances would have suggested otherwise. 

The second heart held courage, strength, hope, love, patience, kindness, goodness and understanding. A heart that will be passed on from generation to generation. His first heart is gone but his second heart will live on forever.

I believe that I have been given the gift of strength. To push forward when everything seems dark, to see the hope in a situation where most see defeat. 

My pride wants me to tell y'all that my papaw passed these down to me himself, but I know for a fact my papaw would take no credit for this. God has me back again in Liberia, finishing His work that He started through my papaw. He gave me the same gift, to see something beautiful out of something this world would throw away, to fulfill a bigger purpose than all of us.

I know that my papaw would be proud of my trip this year, even though he would shake his head and say, "It's not safe there girl!" I know he is looking down on me smiling, knowing I'm doing exactly what God had always intended for my life.

We have all been left a little broken inside because of this loss. But because each of us posess a different characteristic of my papaw...we make one full, healthy, happy and loving family. 

Because my papaw was such a big influence on me, Christ is clearly above all. My papaw made sure of it. 

I will take the Word to Liberia and I will live like the legacy papaw left us with...Jesus.

"whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked."

1 John 2:6

"do not be afraid"

"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell; I wish to run a rescue mission within a yard from hell."

I have heard this question over and over again:
"Aren't you scared to go to Africa alone?"

I almost want to answer "Yes" a lot of the times, but then I remember one very important thing that a lot of others have seemed to forgotten..I'm not alone. I have been given the opportunity to be a missionary in Liberia and to go with my Father, Lord, best friend. My everything. 

This christian life has become so comfortable that we have forgotten what God has commanded us!

BE BOLD AS LIONS!
BE STRONG!
BE COURAGEOUS!


The phrase "do not be afraid" is written in the bible 365 times. That's a daily reminder to live everyday being fearless of what's to come!

Over the past year I've noticed more and more that believers are doubting what God can do. They don't have enough faith that God can use them to change the world. They believe they are too small, that only one person can't make a difference and they're just simply...AFRAID.

2 Timothy 1:7
" For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self discipline. "

Yes, going to a country with no electricity or running water isn't comfortable. Yes, going to Liberia is putting me at risk to get malaria again.

But no, I am not afraid. I would rather listen to God than to be what this world thinks is safe and comfortable.  I will be bold. Unashamed. I will not let the doubts of others allow myself to start doubting. No. I will GO, DO, MAKE DISCIPLES. God calls us to a life of uncertainty here on earth, only believing that in the end all of it will be worth it. Because we wore Jesus' name on our jersey. Because we were unashamed of the name we wore. Because we were unashamed of the Gospel we preached.

Ephesians 6:19-20
" and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. "

He will find his way home...

    

Bobby Rattoe, a 21 year old orphan, is one of the funnest guys to be around. He is always making jokes and loves to make people smile...when he IS around that is.

See, in Liberia, young boys make money by driving motorbikes as a form of taxi. This is what he does and he is very good at it. (I rode on his bike several times!) Riding a bike in Liberia is the most expensive way to get around. Every time I saw Bobby he had a wad of cash in his hands and it became his biggest obsession. He would leave early in the morning and come home late at night. In Africa, after dark, is never safe. I didn't notice it was a serious problem until I heard he wasn't going to school. I told him that if he was staying in the compound he had to go to school! While I was back in America, he gave up the motorbike and started back in the 11th grade!

I was so proud of him!

When I returned to Liberia this past December, he had broken some rules (stealing) and left the home and stopped going to school. My heart was broken.

The Wednesday before I left, Bobby surprised me one night and showed up on my front porch at the home! I was so happy to see his smiling face but more happy because now I knew I had the opportunity to talk to him. 

We talked for half an hour and he assured me that he would start doing the right things, go back to school and apologize to Mother. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Sis Molly...this is my home."

I left Friday and he was still on the compound. I gave him a hug and told him that I believe he could change his ways.

So now, here I am 5,000 miles away and I get a phone call. Bobby left, again. My heart once more, breaks for him.

I think of him daily. Asking myself, Bobby what are you thinking? Where are you sleeping? And who is feeding you?

I was troubled with all these thoughts going through my head at 90 miles an hour and I read Allison Whitley's status at the perfect moment. It said:

"Parents have an amazing influence over their children, but there isn't a formula or an algorithm that guarantees a positive outcome. Consider this: If perfect parenting were possible and always resulted in perfect children, then Adam and Eve should have been flawless. Not only did that have the perfect Parent; they also lived in a perfect world. And yet they still chose to walk away from Him."

-Carol Barnier

There is no formula for the perfect child. Mother has raised Bobby just like her other 72 kids. I have treated and prayed for Bobby just like I have the other 72.

You will always have that one (or a couple) who walk away from God. Just like Adam and Eve.

I was that one, I walked away from God. As my parents did for me, I will do for Bobby...pray. Just pray that Bobby somehow finds his way back to the light. Pray that God protects him through this rebellious time.

I know God holds Bobby's future.

I know Bobby will find his way back home.